Man, if she's that insecure about accepting a first date, imagine how insecure she'll be about getting dumped!

I think if I met the old me, I wouldn't like him.  But if he met me, he probably wouldn't like me either.

I'm so jealous of the Jones' next door - their garbage can is TWICE the size of mine!

Why do elderly people lead such quiet lives, while I acquire more interests than I can pursue?  What is it they know that I haven't learned yet?

All this knowledge has just made me think I'm smarter.

Just a short way into it, he knew he'd screwed it up beyond hope of repair.  Yet he continued on out of pure curiosity of what would come next.

They already think I'm an ass, I might as well start being one.

They may be idiots, but they're still innocent...

Thou shalt not do nothing.  Yet thou shalt not want everything.

Thou shalt be criticized whatever thou doeth.

So many people in one place... and a simple choice between conformity or selfishness.

Sure, she just said "I like your shirt" ... but what I heard was "I like you".

The happiness of your dog is directly proportional to how fun your life is.

I spent my life trying to learn everything, and at the end, found I had taught nothing.

He who cares enough to keep score loses.

Knowledge, fame, and guilt, once acquired, are not easily discarded.

Pushing your limits is a lot of fun, until you discover what they are.

There is no such thing as evil.  Only a difference between good for me and good for you.

It was a lot easier to cheat death back when I didn't know I was doing it.

The only thing we judge you on is your fear of being judged.

Photography requires no talent.  Only the desire to create something beautiful.

I had wanted it for so long, the desire had simply become a part of me.  And yet over the distance of time it ceased to be a burden.  The scar had faded, so I no longer cared about the wound.